I realized today that I have not given myself or possibly my life enough credit.
Every January for the past three years I have set “goals” for the upcoming 365 days. This list consists of new dreams, reminders of previous aspirations or simply realizations that I had been neglecting certain aspects of life. I find the idea of resolutions rather repulsive as no one actually intends on keeping them and I have always believed that if we see these “annual checkups” as goals or dreams versus mandates or declarations, we may be more inclined to aspire to complete them.
Last year, my 2009 Aspiration List included several things about traveling, (Africa clearly being one of them), going on more picnics, taking dance classes, spending more time with family and then at the very end of the list I had written down; “find God”. It is not that I had not believed he was there or even that I had not spoken to him before, but for whatever reason – I felt the need to make it an objective for the upcoming year. Knowing very well that I had no idea how I would accomplish this or even why I felt it was required, I left it on the list and did not think twice about it. It was not until today that I realized that I had indeed found my God.
I was sitting in church today listening to the sermon, (which spent the good first half discussing the evil we all know as advertising…. typical), but which focused primarily on being satisfied with your life and not letting “distractions” deter us from where it is we want to go and who it is that we want to become. Our Pastor spoke about the fact that the closer you get to doing and acting on behalf of God, (or in non-religious terms, “the more you do good things”), the closer you feel to God and your life’s purpose.
It was then that I began having flashbacks to one of the first times that I felt like I was being heard and understood by God. It was early last fall when I had finally made the decision that I would book the trip and take the risk to go to Africa. I was nervous and unsure of the potential financial and job related impact it might have. While decisions have always been difficult for me given my Libra status, I felt a powerful inclination to follow through.
One cool, autumn Sunday afternoon, I was riding back from Trader Joes on the 3rd Avenue bus and decided to flip open a book we had received in church that day from a guest speaker. The book and the speech were both enforcing the idea of “realizing your potential” and living an extraordinary life. I began reading the first paragraph, as simultaneously my iPod started playing Jay Z and Toto’s “Rains down in Africa” remix. As I listened, I read the author recounting his experience in Arusha, Tanzania.
While there are certainly random occurrences, this felt like something bigger. God was telling me I had made the right decision. From that point on, everything regarding my trip moved seamlessly. My job allowed me the time off, money was fundraised for my flight, and all of various minute details seemed to alga mate together as if it was driven by fate.
This was not the last time I had a “moment” where I felt a presence, but it was most certainly the most impactful. Remembering this during church today made me realize that I was creating who I was supposed to be and that I had indeed found God through my journey to Africa.
While this may sound way off the rails, as some may know, I’m not the most religious person by any means, but I believe that this experience has helped not only define me, but my future and my relationship with God.
As I bring to life my 2010 Aspiration List, I will proceed knowing that I am indeed not going astray and that who I am becoming is who I’m fairly certain intended to be. After all, “who we become is much more important than what we accomplish”.
