source: diaryofashoeaddict.blogspot.com
I’ve moved around a lot. Probably no more than the “average”
in this day and age, but enough for me to feel confused about where I am from,
where “home” is, and where I ultimately belong.
I’m from Northern Virginia and by that I mean I lived there
for most of my childhood, have my happiest memories, and feel that nostalgic
sense of belonging. However since then, I’ve moved to Orlando, to NYC, and back
to Florida.
A large majority of my friends and acquaintances seem to follow
this type of path, while a select few never left where they were originally planted. Is it
better to never leave one place, or never know where home is? When does the
moving around end? Where are we supposed to "settle"?
I know the answer is wherever we want to “settle”, if we
want to “settle”. But the paradox of choice sets in and just leaves me more unsettled. I have this overwhelming concern that I will never attain that full-contentment, or that I will always feel like I could be happier in another place. You
see, after high-school my parents moved to Florida. I pretend like I can’t stand
Florida and every time I’m there feel the urge to leave as soon as possible.
(In my defense, it is extremely hot and I am very pale. The two will never mix
well). So after my second-term
living in the Sunshine-state, my then boyfriend and I decided to move back to
the Northern Virginia area.
I was sure that I would feel like I was home. I would be back on
my old turf, chock-full of good memories and favorite places to create new ones.
But it didn’t. My family was no longer there and that
ultimate feeling I was looking for no longer existed. So my now fiance and I, have since decided to
move on again and try something new all together… Connecticut.
I used to thrive off the excitement of new chapters, new
friends, different experiences, and new stories to write in my hypothetical
novel that I would hypothetically write one day about my life-adventures. But
now that I am “old,” I just want to find home.
I want to belong to a community. To have close family around
that can help when you’re in a bind. I want good friends that I can relate to,
cook dinners with, and laugh over good wine. I want to feel secure, safe, and
happy. After talking to many friends, I do not think I am alone in this search.
How can we be blamed for this confusion and endless hunt? Our culture
promotes moving around. We are practically pushed out of our high-school desks
into the wild and told to pick a good-looking college. We can pick any one of
the schools, in any one of the fifty states to apply to. Once we are through
college, we are urged to get the best job in the best city. Not our city; the other
city. We are constantly moving, constantly searching for a better cost of
living, better job opportunities, and improved “quality of life”.
The problem is now that no one is ever actually invested in
a particular community. We are all just passing through; waiting for the next
opportunity and next move. It is why small businesses around the country are failing, and why no one
feels the extra buck is worth purchasing locally grown foods. It’s why
Thanksgiving is the most obnoxious time to travel. And why we are lucky if Christmas
break allows one day with our families. Gone are the days we knew the shop-owners down the street, and the farmers who grew our food. We have moved past
the village mentally; believing whole-heartedly that our own independence is
all we need. We have become so
busy focusing on our own short-term happiness that we leave our homes in search
of better houses.
Our society has physically grown apart.
I realize this may not resonate with some of you as you’ve
found your home. Maybe it was not the first place you lived, but you ultimately
found where you love living. I hope we all can find and reside in a place we
love; a place that encourages us to give back to our communities, invest in our neighborhoods, and
better our homes for future generations.
As I start this new chapter, in this new town, in this new state… I wonder if I can really be the change I'm preaching or if society has pervaded my perceptions too far and I will continue on in this search for a place called "home".
What do you think? Have you found "home"? What does "home" mean to you?
